Feeling, not Feeding the Feelings
As I sat down to write this post, I became aware that the words from a calypso song (from the album Nita) kept repeating over and over again in my head: “I’m feelin’ the feelin’.” But that wasn’t always the case!
As a child, I was taught to suppress my feelings. I was allowed to feel happy and I was allowed to feel sad — as long as the situation warranted it (I could cry because someone died, but not because I didn’t get invited to a party!). For sure, I was not allowed to be angry because nice girls aren’t angry.
Whenever waves of feelings came crashing down, I discovered that food would take the discomfort away — temporarily. I fed my feelings for probably the first half of my life.
Keeping feelings buried, however, used up a great deal of my energy, and for many years, my life-force energy was wasted on keeping feelings buried. I grew up devoid of feelings, and also pretty much, devoid of energy.
When I stopped compulsive overeating, I was often flooded with feelings, and they were sometimes big, powerful, and scary. Using my support system, I learned to be with my feelings and work through them.
In addition, I discovered that nice girls can and do, in fact, get angry and that appropriately expressed anger can be a motivator to action. Suppressed anger, on the other hand, is often a hidden source of low self-esteem.
Robert Frost said, “The best way out is always through.” And the best way to deal with our feelings is also through. Allow them to flow: breathe, feel the feelings, and process them.
AN EXERCISE FOR YOU
Become AWARE. Are you feeling your feelings or using food and/or energy to stuff them? Without judgment, just notice your feelings. Are they acknowledged? Expressed? Repressed?
1) ACKNOWLEDGMENT. Let yourself be aware that you are feeling your feelings. No judgment, just awareness. You might even say to yourself something like, “Boy, I have a lot of feelings around this.”
2) EXPRESSED FEELINGS. If you are expressing feelings, are you being appropriate? Violent anger and rage is not appropriate. Feelings must never be abusive or damaging to another.
3) REPRESSED FEELINGS. Try journaling about specific incidents in your life that impacted you, imagining how you might have felt at the time and tapping into how you feel about it now. Visualize yourself having the feelings so that you might begin to become aware of the sensation. [Note: I needed to be educated around feelings. When I was new at feeling my feelings, I didn’t have names for them. Thankfully, I had great support people that helped me label what I was feeling as anger, sadness, fear, etc.]
Remember: Awareness without judgment is the important first step, and just the awareness that you are having feelings will begin to free stuck energy.
Learn more about feeling, not feeding, your feelings in STOP EATING YOUR HEART OUT: The 21-Day Program to Free Yourself from Emotional Eating. www.stopeatingyourheartout.com
About Meryl BeckMeryl Hershey Beck is often referred to as “the Ambassador of Joy.” This wasn’t always the case as she spent the first half of her life in the utter hell of a binge eating disorder. As a licensed counselor, Meryl now joyfully shares tools of recovery with her clients and in her book, STOP EATING YOUR HEART OUT: The 21-Day Program to Free Yourself from Emotional Eating. Meryl teaches you ways to break the chains of emotional eating as you transform your relationship with food and enjoy the freedom of living the authentic, joy-filled life you were meant to live.
Very good post, Meryl! I've been there, done that, bought the T-shirt! Yes, I used food to fuel my emotions. Thank God I was able to overcome and no longer have that issue. Your article is excellent! Thank you for providing such valuable tips!
Thanks, Alexandra. I am glad that you, too, have recovered from emotional eating.
What an informative and useful post! Thanks so much for sharing so much of yourself!
Thanks, Martha. I appreciate the comments!
Thank you for all of the information you always share. I learn so much !
Thanks so much, Terressa!
Great post, Meryl. I think you did such a great job with making it clear. When we become aware of our feelings and actions, linked to the feelings, we are already on the way of recovery. Thank you ~ brilliant!
Thank you, Solvita…I appreciate your comment!
What a great exercise for people to use. Meryl, this is wonderful advise.
Thanks so much!
I am going to save this and send it to a good friend. We both were bad about eating our heart out..;) These are great Meryl !
Elizabeth–I don't think you were bad about anything. No one gets up in the morning and says "I wonder how I can screw up my day today." We all do the best we can with the tools we have!
Awesome, thanks for all the tips
Wow, Meryl, that is a great exercise for acknowledging and feeling the feelings. I like the emphasis you put on just being aware of them and not judging…yes! It is a shame that so many people are taught to suppress feelings…we need the messages that they are giving us. Great post!
I was never taught to articulate my feelings as a child, so in my adult age, especially in recent years, I've really had to teach myself how to do this. Some days are great, others I act out. It's a learning process.
What a great post Meryl. Whatever the addiction or dependency there is usually an element of 'using' to deal with feelings. I know that know that I don't use alcohol I do often use food as a comfort. Not good!
Thank you for what you are doing to raise awareness of emotional eating which I am sure affects many, many people.
What a wonderful, heart-felt comment. Thanks so much Carolyn!
Great tool. thx
The way is always through because around just brings it back to you again.
I never heard it said that way…I like it!
Great exercise, Meryl. It takes way to much energy to suppress feelings. It can wear you out for sure!
Yes it does. Thanks for commenting, Lisa!
Great tips on how to acknowledge and honor one's feelings without stuffing them.
Thanks, Nancy!
Wonderful post, Meryl. It is so important for us to embrace our feelings! For many years, I was afraid to do this…so I merely existed. I found over the past decade or so, when I embrace them…life got even more Extraordinary! It feels great to feel
Thanks!
Susan,
Isn't it grand to have a full repertoire of feelings at our disposal. Thanks for sharing how it was for you!
An excellent post, Meryl. Acknowledging and learning to work through feelings is so important. I spent most of my life burying them because it's pretty hard to bury the negative ones without also burying the positive ones and it has taken me many years to now go back and work through them. Seeing the impact that had on my life has really been an eye opener.
Marie–
I know exactly what you mean. When I talked about pushing down feelings I used to hold a pencil and show how when I pushed down the uncomfortable ones, the joyous ones were also being buried. Thanks for sharing your experience with this.
This a wonderful post, Meryl, and I love your application of the Robert Frost quote to feelings, "Robert Frost said, The best way out is always through. And the best way to deal with our feelings is also through. Allow them to flow: breathe, feel the feelings, and process them. And as you concluded, "Awareness without judgment is the important first step, and just the awareness that you are having feelings will begin to free stuck energy." So very, very true!
Thanks for your comments, Lisa! I used to read Frost a lot and I really like that quote.
Oh, I love anger! It's one of the last emotions I allowed myself to feel … and boy, does it feel good! It took awhile to get its release just right … at that healthy point where it's the perfect response.
As a kid I made a decision: I could be nice or I could be angry. It took me well into adulthood, too, to find and be able to express my anger.
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